There is a word that you should probably drop from your vocabulary. It is not a bad word, just a word that unintentionally makes significant changes to the message communicated.  What is this powerful word?  You know it.   The word is but.

When but is used, it frequently introduces a second concept.  “I have to see my friend now, but I am very busy.”  What is implied is that even if I should see my friend, I am too busy and therefore will not visit today.  It is not a second independent thought, rather a second thought or condition that changes or nullifies the first.   Some have described the “but” as “delete what I said so far, so now I can tell you the truth.”  Some non Americans have said they do not start to listen or translate until they hear the but, as that is really when the message starts.  What do you think when a coach says, “you played really well today, but I think you should spend more time practicing batting.”  What he really said was “hitting today was poor and you need to work on it.”

What are the alternatives? If you use “and”, it is more of a build of the second idea on the first.  “You played really well today, and if you can get more time on batting practice, you will be even better.”  Which comment from the coach will be more motivational?

It is not easy to eliminate the but word consistently from your communication, but you can do it. ( or should I say “and I know you can do it.”)  Try it and you will quickly see the positive difference it will make.